Nice Is Just a Place in France by betches

Author:betches
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-01-02T16:00:00+00:00

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”

—Joan Rivers

The marathon runner: To the rest of the world this girl might be called ambitious or an exercise bulimic, but to us she’s simply the girl who used to be fat. Marathon girl is super type A, has a workout complex, and severe OCD that will probably manifest in other areas like trying extremely hard in school or taking on too many projects at work. This girl gets high off of telling people she’s training for a marathon and she’d rather skip her mom’s funeral than skip a day at the gym. Also note, she’ll probably hit you up for money because she’s “running for the children!” Don’t give her any. When you’re actively trying to prevent children, giving money to them is just silly.

SoulCycle/Flywheel/general exercise-class fiends: This is the slightly more laid-back version of the marathon runner because this category involves annoyingly intensive workouts and you can’t just leave when you’re bored because there are like people around to judge you. Avoid consuming enough calories to burn off in these classes to begin with.

Yoga: Aside from the fact that yoga involves no work at all, the best part about it is that it makes you seem deep, meditative, and chill. Even though most of us are not these things, chanting out a salutation to the sun allows you to manipulate yourself into thinking you’ve reached Zen or like a state beyond hunger. But yoga is honestly the perfect activity because it allows us to be girly while active. Who would pay a monthly gym membership fee to get man muscles when you can pay thirty dollars an hour to stretch in a room and become super flexible?

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